Be careful where you feed - some places feed baby cereal when you expect a full adult-sized buffet

Last night, Ian and I decided to check out the Reinhard Bonke rally that hit town last night. It was the first evangelical rally for me and Ian admitted he had been to a few before we started dating. It was held at the Indoor Stadium, a place we usually head to when our church holds its combined service (altho' these days we happily head to Suntec coz it's easier to pick the kid up after service that way. Yay Gallery West!)

I guess I went in expecting to be blown away. I have heard Reinhard speak on Joyce Meyer's show before and Angie bought me his book (that one is divine appointment. I was thinking of buying it, did not tell her I wanted to... did not even mention the book, and my dear sis got it for me. Amazing God. Spider man has spidey senses, we have the Holy Spirit. =D ) which I enjoyed reading. And I mean it was an evangelical rally so I thought wow I mean the anointing is going to be amazing.

So after grabbing a fruit bar (no time to eat, had to deal with domestic issues - read, 1 screaming kid on the phone, 2 vexed grandparents, and a bandage he won't remove from his knee), I cabbed down to Kallang where my white knight awaited me (Ian, not Bonke). We actually gave up a chance to catch some movies for this.

The place was packed, and I was really happy for them because that meant more people to be moved, more souls saved.

Worship was just about to end, and then a pastor announced for a man to welcome Bonke. Now, the man said that the pastor was the best pastor in Singapore. I don't know why we all have to do that declaring that each one's pastor is better. It reminds me of a certain episode in the bible where the disciples argued amongst themselves about who was better and Jesus had to cut in. Anyway, I turned to Ian and said, "That's kinda subjective don't you think?" I am not saying PP is the best pastor either but he definitely is the most incredibly anointed one I have met in SG, followed by Pastor Mark, Pastor Lian, Pastor Matthews... and to be fair, I really enjoyed Pastor David Lim's sermons when I was in GAOG, altho' I should go listen to his sermons again to see again. Coz when in kindergarten you watch a programme and when in secondary school you watch the same show, refelction and insight will differ.

Which brings me back to the rally - so they introduced Bonke who came on stage. Bonke came on stage with his signature soft african-accented voice (prob from his missionary work in Africa. It got louder though coz the whole sermon was really him and the translater shouting non-stop). He introduced a fellow young preacher that he said had the same anointing as him, preached similar powerful sermons. I feel it was like Barnabas would have introduced Mark =) It was clear the young man was like a spiritual son or grandson to him.

I did not catch his name, but the young man was prob around my age or younger. He was a caucasian and spoke with great passion ( plus a lot of shouting). He told his fav miracle story about his great grandfather Paul who had been diagnosed from birth to be severely mentally handicapped and who looked weird and could not eat, or talk, or really do physical things because of a problem with his brain. Now when he was a young child, Paul grew very ill with Typhoid fever. And his Father, Louie, refused to agree with it. He went to the room and prayed for an answer from heaven. A knock came. His mother told him the child had died. He refused to go out and continued to pray. Then another knock, his wife this time - eyes swollen, face tear-streaked- she said 5 doctors had come to declare the child dead and had even issued the death cert. She asked him to come out as the family needed him to be there with them. Louie refused to budge till Heaven answered. The door stayed shut. The child's grandmother started wrapping the little body to prepare it for burial. Just at that point, the door burst open and Louie joyfully said heaven had answered. So he prayed over the corpse of the child as they continued wrapping it. The feet moved, and the life went up and up and up and the child awoke. The first thing he said was "Mama I'm hungry."

So this young missionary shared that it was his fav miracle story because if his great gramps had died that day, there would not have been him. Similary, had Christ not risen, we would have to remain dead for eternity. (There is a lot of emphasis I felt on the word die, dead - instead of live, risen! Altho the point gets across but... nm I explain later my feelings). Do understand that I am paraphrasing. The actual thing was longer, louder and more repetitive in some lines. I felt quite disconnected. We did amen in agreement to points that were true and relevant and well, clapped at some points - but it all felt a bit obliging rather than out of excitement.

Bonke came back on stage and started preaching. I sat eagerly with my notebook. But put it away after awhile. Ian started nodding off. I started to read bible devotions and verses on my phone. Keeping my ears peeled for any revelations for the spirit man. Waiting patiently.

Now, it is not because I am being disrespectful when I say this - I did not feel the anointing. =( I did not feel it from the young man, I did not feel it from Bonke). Now the atmosphere was of people cheering, clapping... but it felt hollow. I was waiting. I was waiting for my inner man to feel refreshed - but I felt like I had reached a drink stall that everyone lauded and discovered the drink was not that refreshing. (Ok the other thing is, the camera work was so bad - they zoomed in and out, lost focus, tilt down randomly - very distracting for us who are watching the screens as we are sitting so far away Bonke's ant-sized. I appreciate our video ministry and that they are pretty well-trained. Also, their tape ministry outside of the auditorium should not have played videos whilst Bonke was preaching coz the noise from outside wafted into the auditorium. Quite distracting.)

I turned to Ian and typed on my fone the same thing I said in the first line of my last para above. Ian agreed. And I deduced that it is not that Bonke's not anointed but perhaps the sermon was not for us. I told Ian I was now waiting for the miracles and healings. We waited. (Honestly, nothing happened. But to be fair, we left after the final song. Perhaps like how some movies have additional bit after credit roll, the crusade had the same and we missed? Hope so for the people. I am sure it is not about the preacher preaching but about God being faithful and might to save. Amen?)

I also started sms-ing Angie and Stan close to the 3/4 leg of the sermon. Stan was the first to reply and we had an interesting SMS- conversation.

G: Am at Indoor Stadium but not feeling the anointing leh. A lot of shouting though. Hehe.
S: Reinhard Bonke crusade?
G: Yes! Ian said perhaps it is a sign we're well-fed.=) I said perhaps the food meant for baby or foetus not for us. Coz I've heard his talk with Meyer. Pretty insightful. So guess diff meal prep for diff people. Nott meant for us. But I feel Pastor Prince way of preaching grace more effective. This is preaching a bit of fear.
S:Ya. I don't attend evangelistic rally any more as I feel sermons not meant for me. ;) I need beef steak not cereal. ;)

The only part of the sermon by RB I enjoyed was the part where He described Jesus as a lifeguard standing there, arms outstretched, ready to jump in to save those who are drowning in the sins of the world, the fear that the world is filled with. He then spoke about how he was told that when you see someone drowning. The person goes down once, comes up; down and come up again, but when they go down a third time, they are most likely never to come up again. So he said to the crowd that perhaps some of them have gone down once, or maybe twice, but they could go down a third time soon and never come back up. That they should receive Jesus before it is too late.

Bonke was finally done preaching. The altar call was given the old way - eyes shut, people raise hands. I did not shut my eye. Not many people would realise they were open since we sat right at the top of the balcony overlooking the whole sea of people. Many hands were raised as Bonke asked who wants Jesus.

G: But a lot of souls saved. Amazing.
S: Just hope the saved souls don't get get turned off by legalism.
G: Amen. Amen. Hope they come to see His grace. I trust the Holy Spirit will lead them. Amen, amen. We were led too. And I think because we knew legalism, we came to appreacite and see grace more. Amen?

When eyes were finally asked to be open, they called for those who wanted to receive Jesus that night to go right in front of the stage. People moved like a flood towards the stage that was set up in the middle. There was A LOT of people. But my inner man suddenly said this "Not all of those people are unsaved." And I voiced that thought out to both my hubby and to Stan. Ian felt the same too. I looked around, some people who had not raised their hands earlier, were raising their hands a little from where they were seated. Some I notice were people were already saved, but who decide to raise their hands later.

Now Stan admitted that he had re-dedicated a couple of times too when he attend Grace AOG. Ian also admitted the same when he attended a couple of rallies in the past. And guess what? I have to admit I did the same too. Ian was sharing how he has not felt that insecurity come back anymore, and that is also true for me.

G: I feel some people here are insecure about their salvation. That not all who answered are not yet saved. Also some members in crowd are trying to receive salvation again. I felt that before in GAOG too.
S: LOL... I "rededicated" at GAOG a few times b4...
G: Same! Because no revelation then. Lol. =D Oh man haha we had similar insecurities before eh?

Ian and I decided to leave after the salvation prayer (which I had to reword as I pray coz I am praying from victory as a redeemed, but they were praying for victory and salvation and I could not pray the words they said unless I did not believe in my salvation already. Worded very diff from the way our church would word their prayer.) Ian took heart that at some point, RB did say the words new creation. And we both feel perhaps some people might be led at some point to our church or to a grace-based church at some point. Amen?

I was telling Ian I sensed so much insecurity, and Stan messsaged the same thing a short while after Ian and I discussed it.

S: sin consiousness... Always felt not worthy enough... I think that's the common problem of churches not preaching grace. Ironic esp for GAOG. Make sure you go to the right restaurant.

Ian agreed and we both reflected on how we did not get the revelation we were hoping for, but another revelation - since attending NCC, since we started to really have a deep revelation of the Word, since we've left GAOG, we have truly grown in our inner man, our spiritual life. We no longer had that insecurity we need where we feel, "Have I really been saved yet? Maybe this preacher is a better preacher so if I asked to be saved now, I can be assured of it." and end of re-dedicating our lives over and over again to Jesus... because the preaching does not leave that certainty in us.

JESUS saves ONCE and that is enough because it is a COMPLETE and PERFECT salvation. But many Christians that still sit under legalistic teaching or sermons meant for the unsaved, feel their faith shaken. They feel not good enough, not saved enough. And that saddens me coz it means despite being saved, they are still feeling lost... still seeking what they've found. Christ is now in you - not in that preacher, not in the other people. He is in you! You don't have to seek Him anymore - He has made His home in you. You have the mind of Christ, the Holy Spirit teaches you all things - the same way He teaches those pastors, those elders, that lady next door to you. Rejoice! You were once lost now you're found!

I told Ian that I actually left the rally feeling a bit drained rather than watered in the spirit man. I felt like I needed a good sermon, a good read... I was both spiritually and physically hungry haha. I guess that is my last "excursion" of this nature.

I was remarking at one point also that I felt there was a diff between the way RB and JP preaches (u can see it in one of the above sms exchanges) - one preaches from the point of if you don't accept him now, perhaps it is your last chance and without him you will go to hell (yea the good old yell a lot hell and brimstone sermons) whilst JP preaches grace that Jesus loves you as you are, that He died on the cross to take all your past mistakes, all your hurts upon Himself so that today you can be the righteousness of God in Christ - the old man has passed away, you are a new creation (hence the inspiration for our church's name) in Christ Jesus. One preaches hurry up and be saved or else eternal damnation, the other preaches hurry up and receive because there God's love overflows for you - He wants you saved to live a life of victory and to walk in His grace.

I hardly heard the word "GRACE" being mentioned in the sermon. I don't want to say not at all because honestly he might have said it once or twice and I'd missed it. =) So let's say I hardly heard it. I heard the word hell, death, die a lot more.

Now if I was unsaved sitting there, I would accept Christ for fear of Hell (not wrong, not bad) but I think it is different from accepting Christ because you've sat in a sermon overwhelmed by what He did on the cross - the victories he has won for you, the suffering he endured for you. Again, I am saying there is nothing wrong with the former but that it's just different.

It brings us back to the point on spiritual food and how at different points in time of our spiritual walk, some of us needed different spiritual food - so God fed us with milk, then mashed up baby food, mix of both then finally SOLID, nutritious food when we are ready. Others are blessed straight into solid food, but sometimes they needed it ground down a bit by the leaders and spoon fed first. =)

Last night I realised I am happy to just sit under our church for now because sitting under the wrong teaching and feeding on the wrong spiritual food can cause diarrohea, constipation or worse still, food poisoning - which can be deadly.

Thank you Jesus for leading me to a pasture that is safe to feed on, rest in and to see Your goodness, Your mercy and Your beauty.

I rest secure in Your arms for good at last - better fed than the stray cat that lives downstairs that a woman comes all the way from Hougang to feed. You came all the way from Heaven, down to Earth to save me, to clean me, to feed me, to make sure you've appointed the right shepherds to guard over me.

It took time for me to be led into the pasture I am in now, coz I was such an easily distracted sheep - distracted by naysayers, rumours. But once I learned to hear your voice, I realise the shepherds my family is now under, speak Your words and not their own. They remain faithful to Your finished work on the Cross. That, to me, is the most important thing when it comes to choosing the right home for our family.

This Saturday, as we enter into Easter Sunday tomorrow, I thank You for that LOVE Himself came down for me; that LOVE made Him remain nailed to the cross not the nails; and that LOVE compelled Him to conquer Death and Sin forever so that I may die to this world and live in Him - as He is in this World, so am I for it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. Hallelujah! How great is our God! AMEN!