Letting go at the root - a reflection & sharing

Recently, my ex signed the consent for Ian to adopt K and just yesterday, Ian and I went to the lawyer's office to sign documents and submit the docs to the Courts to process.

I also agreed for my ex to spend some time with Kae at Vivocity (with my Dad accompanying them). 

It was not easy making that decision at first because being human, we will tend to feel jealous or anxious about the meeting... and I spent the whole day missing Kae and wondering if he will love us any lesser... (SILLY I know =D)

When Kae called after the meeting to gush about his new game that my ex got him, I did feel a bit green with envy.

When we returned home to Kae, he continued gushing, but he did stop to give us hugs and to do a bear family hug. Later, as Iab washed up, I actually asked Kae if he could love us more (insecurities talking - paiseh man)... I did not say don't love my ex because I respect Kae's feelings - his relationship with the ex is his relationship with the ex. 

BUT as I was brushing my teeth and washing up that night, I felt the Holy Spirit telling me this. 

"Don't be so insecure. Just as much as Kae is a blessing brought into your lives, Kae is also a blessing to other people and will be a blessing to other people. For all you know, Kae will one day help your ex to come to know Jesus and that is one soul saved - and many more to come. So don't worry. The Holy Spirit will teach him how to love, respect and honour you as parents and how to treat others with respect and care too. Remember he may be your son, but he is on loan from God to you... so above all things, let go and let God teach and guide him. If you tell him it is okay to love his biological father, when he grows up he will appreciate your decision and respect and love you even more. But if you sow seeds of resentment, you might reap seeds of resentment from him."

It made me think and I committed the matter to the LORD  there and then.

I went out of the loo and Ian was telling Kae one of the funny stories they cook up together (Kae provides the weird titles and Ian has to meet the challenge of coming up with a story for him - it is really fun). So I did not get to share with Ian as he was spending time with the little one.

I picked up a Joel Osteen devotional that I just bought and opened up randomly and it opened to a page about letting go of poisonous thoughts of resentment, jealousy, envy etc. An affirmation no doubt about what was just revealed to me earlier on by the Holy Spirit's prompting inside.

So once Ian was done with his story and I took over with the bible reading, I passed the Joel Osteen book to him. I told him that it echoed precisely what the Holy Spirit was teaching me earlier as I washed up. So he read it.

Later, after Kae fell asleep, we had a talk and it was then that I realised that Ian had been wrestling with some anxieties and one of them was about the meeting btw the boy and my ex.

But we agreed to commit our relationship with Kaelen to the LORD and trust that GOD will guide our family. We thanked Him once again for teaching us how to be good parents to this beautiful blessing of a child.

So today I told Kaelen, that at the end of the day it is not wrong for him to love his biological Dad, but that I hope that he will also at the same time remember always that we are the Wee family, that Mummy and Daddy loves him very much always and we just want for him to be happy in the LORD always. =)

He smiled brightly and gave me a big hug and said "I love you and Daddy very very much." - that was all I needed to know. =D I believe that as we lead him in the LORD, he will learn how to tap from the unconditional love of Christ to love the different people in his life and that Jesus will always be his source of love, security and forgiveness.

P/S: Other cute sharings from Kae today:

1) God is like a paving machine. The road ahead is sticky and gooey (he means tar that has not been set yet I think?) So we must always let God go ahead of us to pave the way, make it firm and then we drive our cars behind Him. The road won't be sticky any more.

2)  Mummy, you know I am actually feeling a kind of fullness. I am full from eating my waffle but I am always hungry for the Bible. H20 can quench my thirst but the Holy Spirit can quench my soul!