Parenting with Grace? Not so easy hor! =)
I love how Pastor Mark preached once about parenting with grace and not law. It sounds easy but man there are days you just want to break out the 10 commandments and the 2 slabs of stone when the kid is doing the brat in the pits routine. Argh.
This morning was a particular trying morning - Kae took 30 minutes to wake up! He has to be in school by 7.15am and we have to be out of the house latest by 7.10am.
So there we were at 6.20am... I waltzed into the room with a smile, a lilting "Good morning Sunshine. Time to wake up for school!" and a kiss on the forehead. Unfortunately, whilst I got up on the right side of bed, it seemed the little one already got up on the wrong side of bed despite still not budging from his foetal position. I tried to patiently rouse him but Kaelen would not get up and was throwing a huffy puffy tantrum.
It hit 6.30 am and still he was huffing and puffing like an angry little bull flagged off by a red cloth. Around this time, the lilting voice melted away into stoic silence before exploding into what I felt was a great imitation of one of my Mum's "You better get up soon or else..." speeches. (Eeks!) He burst into angry tears and threw his bolster on to the floor and so I told him that okay if it frustrated him to be nagged out of bed, I would leave him be and let him wake up at his own timing. I told him to take his uniform with him outside when he was ready to face the world, wash up and have breakfast.
After 5 minutes, he finally appeared. Hair resembling a cockatoo's comb and face resembling a thunder cloud. He hung his uniform up and proceeded to the bathroom where he spent another 5 minute day dreaming - toothbrush in hand, dreamy look on his face, leaning on the sink, wordlessly lost in his thoughts.
By this time, I was no longer jolly mummy and when he snorted at me and huffed, he earned a smack on the butt and a reprimand.
He brushed his teeth angrily, steam pouring out of his ears and then stomped out to put on his uniform before sitting at the table to eat his breakfast. We had no time for shower and friendly banter.
At the table he again lapsed into day dreaming mode. It was 7am by the time he started breakfast and he was eating slower than my Dad without his dentures. I told Mr.Angry that he was going to be late soon and to eat faster. He glared at me and gave me attitude by looking daggers at me. That earned him a pinch on the cheek and another reprimand. He burst into tears and I showed him what it would be like to have Graceful Mum turn Legalistic Nagging Machine.
I explained that his behaviour decided how I treated him. If he wants me to be friendly, to treat him like a big boy and to trust him, he would have to learn how to control his temper. If not I am not willing to spare the rod and spoil the child. I would re-introduce the cane - migrating all 3 canes in Rio Vista to Toa Payoh- and I will be curt, strict and no-nonsense. I asked him which would he prefer as it is his free will to decide what parenting style I should adopt based on his behaviour.
I told him that his mannerisms have been nothing short of hurtful to a Mum who also had to drag herself out of bed to prepare his favourite breakfast, make sure the water heater is turned on so he can have a warm bath (not electrical heater, we use the storage tank sort and it takes time to heat up), and then wake him up.
I also explained that if it upset him to have me wake him up, I was prepared to give him an alarm clock, lay breakfast on the table and let him do the whole morning routine independently. If he is late, he has to face the music at school.
He looked at me - goo goo eyes, chastened expression, munching as best on breakfast as he could in between sobs.
He FINALLY apologised, chose Mummy-the-friend and endeavoured to not give me the same nonsense in the morning again.
I had to met out punishment - NO Wii FOR THE DAY.
Later on in the evening, he looked sad as he "missed the Wii very much".
So I decided that he could earn his rights to use the Wii - first he folded his freshly laundered clothes and kept them away in his drawers, then he did an extra English exercise. Doing the first would earn one fishing game, doing the second would earn him 10 minutes on the Wii.
The English Exercise required him to find 3 new words, check the dictionary, write out the new word and its meaning onto a book and form a sentence for each new word to show that he understands how to use them.
He found the words ambiguous, exquisite and incognito. I never meant for him to find big words but he chose the tough ones himself and so he did have some difficulty forming sentences with them at first. Once he got each sentence right, I gave the nod and he was off to play the Wii.
I am sure that making him earn back his rights to play the Wii does not constitute legalism and I hope that this form of discipline for the day has been balanced with some grace.
Parenting is truly not for cowards and neither is it easy- but praise God because we suck at it, He can be our wisdom, our help, our counsel when we are at our wits end.
I hope that today Kae learned a lesson, that I was firm but not unreasonable, fair but not a pushover. =p
Phew.
P/S: Oh yes, to teach him that washing the toilet when one sprinkles when he tinkles is not fun... he is going to be washing one of our two toilets this weekend. I will show him how and then he has to wash the other himself. I guess it is also another way of teaching him responsibility and how to help out around the house. =D
This morning was a particular trying morning - Kae took 30 minutes to wake up! He has to be in school by 7.15am and we have to be out of the house latest by 7.10am.
So there we were at 6.20am... I waltzed into the room with a smile, a lilting "Good morning Sunshine. Time to wake up for school!" and a kiss on the forehead. Unfortunately, whilst I got up on the right side of bed, it seemed the little one already got up on the wrong side of bed despite still not budging from his foetal position. I tried to patiently rouse him but Kaelen would not get up and was throwing a huffy puffy tantrum.
It hit 6.30 am and still he was huffing and puffing like an angry little bull flagged off by a red cloth. Around this time, the lilting voice melted away into stoic silence before exploding into what I felt was a great imitation of one of my Mum's "You better get up soon or else..." speeches. (Eeks!) He burst into angry tears and threw his bolster on to the floor and so I told him that okay if it frustrated him to be nagged out of bed, I would leave him be and let him wake up at his own timing. I told him to take his uniform with him outside when he was ready to face the world, wash up and have breakfast.
After 5 minutes, he finally appeared. Hair resembling a cockatoo's comb and face resembling a thunder cloud. He hung his uniform up and proceeded to the bathroom where he spent another 5 minute day dreaming - toothbrush in hand, dreamy look on his face, leaning on the sink, wordlessly lost in his thoughts.
By this time, I was no longer jolly mummy and when he snorted at me and huffed, he earned a smack on the butt and a reprimand.
He brushed his teeth angrily, steam pouring out of his ears and then stomped out to put on his uniform before sitting at the table to eat his breakfast. We had no time for shower and friendly banter.
At the table he again lapsed into day dreaming mode. It was 7am by the time he started breakfast and he was eating slower than my Dad without his dentures. I told Mr.Angry that he was going to be late soon and to eat faster. He glared at me and gave me attitude by looking daggers at me. That earned him a pinch on the cheek and another reprimand. He burst into tears and I showed him what it would be like to have Graceful Mum turn Legalistic Nagging Machine.
I explained that his behaviour decided how I treated him. If he wants me to be friendly, to treat him like a big boy and to trust him, he would have to learn how to control his temper. If not I am not willing to spare the rod and spoil the child. I would re-introduce the cane - migrating all 3 canes in Rio Vista to Toa Payoh- and I will be curt, strict and no-nonsense. I asked him which would he prefer as it is his free will to decide what parenting style I should adopt based on his behaviour.
I told him that his mannerisms have been nothing short of hurtful to a Mum who also had to drag herself out of bed to prepare his favourite breakfast, make sure the water heater is turned on so he can have a warm bath (not electrical heater, we use the storage tank sort and it takes time to heat up), and then wake him up.
I also explained that if it upset him to have me wake him up, I was prepared to give him an alarm clock, lay breakfast on the table and let him do the whole morning routine independently. If he is late, he has to face the music at school.
He looked at me - goo goo eyes, chastened expression, munching as best on breakfast as he could in between sobs.
He FINALLY apologised, chose Mummy-the-friend and endeavoured to not give me the same nonsense in the morning again.
I had to met out punishment - NO Wii FOR THE DAY.
Later on in the evening, he looked sad as he "missed the Wii very much".
So I decided that he could earn his rights to use the Wii - first he folded his freshly laundered clothes and kept them away in his drawers, then he did an extra English exercise. Doing the first would earn one fishing game, doing the second would earn him 10 minutes on the Wii.
The English Exercise required him to find 3 new words, check the dictionary, write out the new word and its meaning onto a book and form a sentence for each new word to show that he understands how to use them.
He found the words ambiguous, exquisite and incognito. I never meant for him to find big words but he chose the tough ones himself and so he did have some difficulty forming sentences with them at first. Once he got each sentence right, I gave the nod and he was off to play the Wii.
I am sure that making him earn back his rights to play the Wii does not constitute legalism and I hope that this form of discipline for the day has been balanced with some grace.
Parenting is truly not for cowards and neither is it easy- but praise God because we suck at it, He can be our wisdom, our help, our counsel when we are at our wits end.
I hope that today Kae learned a lesson, that I was firm but not unreasonable, fair but not a pushover. =p
Phew.
P/S: Oh yes, to teach him that washing the toilet when one sprinkles when he tinkles is not fun... he is going to be washing one of our two toilets this weekend. I will show him how and then he has to wash the other himself. I guess it is also another way of teaching him responsibility and how to help out around the house. =D
You must be really caught up in the P1 mode. Have not seen much posts from you. When Dominic went to P1 last year, I spent several months 'whipping him into shape' (so to speak) too. Now that P2 just started, I find myself having to re-oil the engine again with this boy. Haiz.......
ReplyDeleteAs for the toilet, we have 2 toilets at home and all the boys (including the big one) are banned from mine unless it's an emergency. Bwahahahaha..........