Random Ramblings...
Sometimes, I read back on my older posts on this blog and on my older blogs and I am amazed.
I am amazed by the growth that all 3 of us have experienced as a family and as individuals... growth that has been possible because we are willing to take out those ear plugs and really hear what Jesus is telling us each day.
It is hard to remember that Kae is 6. He can say such profound things at times. Jaw-dropping, blush-inducing (coz we are 4 times older and haven't realised what he's said) stuff. That is the amazing thing about children. They can be prancing around and mucking about with their Hot Wheel cars and Crayola crayons, then they stop to say something so wise, they just blow you away! Kids are able to think and speak these things because they sit at the feet of Jesus and willingly receive and receive and receive. And they don't try to justify or mess with logic as they listen and receive. They absorb and apply it instinctively and in faith.
As adults we sometimes let pride/ human reasoning get in the way of our listening. We listen but we keep what we want, and try to ignore what we don't like. We try to mix Kingdom wisdom with worldly knowledge. Reasoning and arguing with God about what is more logical and whose timing is better. We also forget to operate in childlike faith in the midst of all the doubt.
Ian and I are learning everyday to receive in faith like Kae does... like Mary did - putting aside her strivings to just listen and operate in faith... unlike Martha who reminded Jesus that Lazarus was already dead, He was too late and the rotting body would smell - forgetting who Jesus IS because maybe she didn't really know Him in the first place as she was too busy with work, housework, and her spirit of self-martyrdom to really bother about Him.
We can't give what we don't have.
We can't speak wisdom without the Lord's anointing and without abiding in His Word.
We can't parent well, without spending time with the best and most loving parent ever - God, and taking our cue from him.
We cant have childlike faith without acknowledging that we are still spiritual kids, regardless of our age, before our heavenly father. Without acknowledging this, we can't grow further in our Spirit and in Christ.
I think back on the time when I used to worship lead in church as a teenager. I've told Ian before how there was such a struggle then because of the "politics" the priest introduced - eg. favouritism and jealousy. He'd compare people in a most unedifying way and put people down, breaking their spirits and caring about his image more than the feelings of the kids in his charge.
When I was worship leading, because of all these negative politics around me, it was hard to worship for the right reasons. You go up on stage wanting to serve Christ in all honesty, but then it becomes a fight for the limelight between different worship leaders. You pray with all your heart but then the priest tells you that you "cannot pray well". Prayer that is heartfelt is good no? But if you can't pray with good showmanship, that priest deemed it bad or wrong. It was so misleading!!
Many of the youths who were in that group left bitter and some who were grievously hurt by the experience, left Church and drifted away from God. They became spiritually bankrupt because of wrong leadership and because somewhere along the way, they also started to serve for the wrong reason. We were growing at first in the Spirit, then the Worldly emotions came in to choke our plants and ruin our heart soil with fear, anger and grief.
I left church for quite a period of time. I never left Christ but I left the church. Years later, when I heard the song "Heart of Worship"... it struck a deep chord in me. "I'm coming back to the heart of worship. It's all about you. All about you Jesus." I am glad that I DID leave the legalistic church in the end, to grow in my relationship with Jesus and to accept His grace into every area of my life - the past hurts/disappointments and today's struggles and the future ahead so that perfect love casts off all fear/anxiety of what lies ahead tomorrow! I am finally secure!
I have been missing serving in a ministry for years now (esp in the music ministry) , but I have learned to let go. I am letting God decide where He will position me to serve His Kingdom... and it can be as simple as serving from Home (amongst the family), serving amongst friends... not necessarily on a stage and holding a mic.
Like Pastor Prince said last weekend, be careful that you are not promoted out of your position of blessing. Don't be so flattered by the prospect of a promotion that you forget to discern if where you are "promoted" to will bless you or not.
Maybe I am not meant to be a worship leader - maybe it is not my area of blessing for myself or other people... but I am a useful gardener for God's kingdom. Planting a seed here, watering a sapling there and just basking in His merry sunshine =D.
Yes, after years of struggling deep inside, I am learning to be less of a "smart aleck" and I am learning to let God take control of all I do even more with each new day. I am learning to talk less (except on my blog hahaha), and listen more. Learning to hold my tongue and exercise self-discipline (spirit of self-control is a fruit of the spirit... learning to operate in it better).
It can be tough to let go, especially when you are already so used to holding tightly to the steering wheel of your life. One day at a time, one step at a time, I'm learning slowly but surely to let God steer me, knowing that the destination He intends for me is sweeter than the one I had been heading towards. Looking in my rear view mirror, I can already see how far I have detoured from self-destruction and being a gloom cookie. I used to feel so spiritually dry and dead, but now I feel so alive because of Him and Him alone. He is indeed the well we can draw from which never runs dry. I can feed on this Bread of life and not feel hungry and I thirst not because He quenches my thirst as I abide in Him.
And as I let go and be blessed, I can also help others to let go and be blessed or share my blessings with them - that in itself is such a great source of encouragement and joy for me - that God has used me to be a post-it note for his other children, and that His scribbles on me bring joy and strength into their hearts. As I grow in the Word, I can share His promises, His love better with the people around me... and I am happy enough for that. =D
It is well, it is well within my soul. =)
I leave you with some food for thought:
"But it takes humility for us to allow Jesus to minister to us. We take pride in doing things for the Lord. We want to build our businesses, families and ministries for Him. All that is good, but without Jesus, we are spiritually bankrupt! We really have nothing to give to the Lord and His work. What we need to do first is to receive from the Lord because when we freely receive from Him, we are able to freely give. (Matthew 10:8)" - Pastor Joseph Prince
I am amazed by the growth that all 3 of us have experienced as a family and as individuals... growth that has been possible because we are willing to take out those ear plugs and really hear what Jesus is telling us each day.
It is hard to remember that Kae is 6. He can say such profound things at times. Jaw-dropping, blush-inducing (coz we are 4 times older and haven't realised what he's said) stuff. That is the amazing thing about children. They can be prancing around and mucking about with their Hot Wheel cars and Crayola crayons, then they stop to say something so wise, they just blow you away! Kids are able to think and speak these things because they sit at the feet of Jesus and willingly receive and receive and receive. And they don't try to justify or mess with logic as they listen and receive. They absorb and apply it instinctively and in faith.
As adults we sometimes let pride/ human reasoning get in the way of our listening. We listen but we keep what we want, and try to ignore what we don't like. We try to mix Kingdom wisdom with worldly knowledge. Reasoning and arguing with God about what is more logical and whose timing is better. We also forget to operate in childlike faith in the midst of all the doubt.
Ian and I are learning everyday to receive in faith like Kae does... like Mary did - putting aside her strivings to just listen and operate in faith... unlike Martha who reminded Jesus that Lazarus was already dead, He was too late and the rotting body would smell - forgetting who Jesus IS because maybe she didn't really know Him in the first place as she was too busy with work, housework, and her spirit of self-martyrdom to really bother about Him.
We can't give what we don't have.
We can't speak wisdom without the Lord's anointing and without abiding in His Word.
We can't parent well, without spending time with the best and most loving parent ever - God, and taking our cue from him.
We cant have childlike faith without acknowledging that we are still spiritual kids, regardless of our age, before our heavenly father. Without acknowledging this, we can't grow further in our Spirit and in Christ.
I think back on the time when I used to worship lead in church as a teenager. I've told Ian before how there was such a struggle then because of the "politics" the priest introduced - eg. favouritism and jealousy. He'd compare people in a most unedifying way and put people down, breaking their spirits and caring about his image more than the feelings of the kids in his charge.
When I was worship leading, because of all these negative politics around me, it was hard to worship for the right reasons. You go up on stage wanting to serve Christ in all honesty, but then it becomes a fight for the limelight between different worship leaders. You pray with all your heart but then the priest tells you that you "cannot pray well". Prayer that is heartfelt is good no? But if you can't pray with good showmanship, that priest deemed it bad or wrong. It was so misleading!!
Many of the youths who were in that group left bitter and some who were grievously hurt by the experience, left Church and drifted away from God. They became spiritually bankrupt because of wrong leadership and because somewhere along the way, they also started to serve for the wrong reason. We were growing at first in the Spirit, then the Worldly emotions came in to choke our plants and ruin our heart soil with fear, anger and grief.
I left church for quite a period of time. I never left Christ but I left the church. Years later, when I heard the song "Heart of Worship"... it struck a deep chord in me. "I'm coming back to the heart of worship. It's all about you. All about you Jesus." I am glad that I DID leave the legalistic church in the end, to grow in my relationship with Jesus and to accept His grace into every area of my life - the past hurts/disappointments and today's struggles and the future ahead so that perfect love casts off all fear/anxiety of what lies ahead tomorrow! I am finally secure!
I have been missing serving in a ministry for years now (esp in the music ministry) , but I have learned to let go. I am letting God decide where He will position me to serve His Kingdom... and it can be as simple as serving from Home (amongst the family), serving amongst friends... not necessarily on a stage and holding a mic.
Like Pastor Prince said last weekend, be careful that you are not promoted out of your position of blessing. Don't be so flattered by the prospect of a promotion that you forget to discern if where you are "promoted" to will bless you or not.
Maybe I am not meant to be a worship leader - maybe it is not my area of blessing for myself or other people... but I am a useful gardener for God's kingdom. Planting a seed here, watering a sapling there and just basking in His merry sunshine =D.
Yes, after years of struggling deep inside, I am learning to be less of a "smart aleck" and I am learning to let God take control of all I do even more with each new day. I am learning to talk less (except on my blog hahaha), and listen more. Learning to hold my tongue and exercise self-discipline (spirit of self-control is a fruit of the spirit... learning to operate in it better).
It can be tough to let go, especially when you are already so used to holding tightly to the steering wheel of your life. One day at a time, one step at a time, I'm learning slowly but surely to let God steer me, knowing that the destination He intends for me is sweeter than the one I had been heading towards. Looking in my rear view mirror, I can already see how far I have detoured from self-destruction and being a gloom cookie. I used to feel so spiritually dry and dead, but now I feel so alive because of Him and Him alone. He is indeed the well we can draw from which never runs dry. I can feed on this Bread of life and not feel hungry and I thirst not because He quenches my thirst as I abide in Him.
And as I let go and be blessed, I can also help others to let go and be blessed or share my blessings with them - that in itself is such a great source of encouragement and joy for me - that God has used me to be a post-it note for his other children, and that His scribbles on me bring joy and strength into their hearts. As I grow in the Word, I can share His promises, His love better with the people around me... and I am happy enough for that. =D
It is well, it is well within my soul. =)
I leave you with some food for thought:
"But it takes humility for us to allow Jesus to minister to us. We take pride in doing things for the Lord. We want to build our businesses, families and ministries for Him. All that is good, but without Jesus, we are spiritually bankrupt! We really have nothing to give to the Lord and His work. What we need to do first is to receive from the Lord because when we freely receive from Him, we are able to freely give. (Matthew 10:8)" - Pastor Joseph Prince
Thank you so much for this sharing. A road often travelled by christians around us, including myself. What you wrote today really spoke right into my heart. Infact, i was attempting to blog this journey which I didn't cos i just couldn't find the words to flow with my heart. Instead, God ministered to me through this blog. Thank you! Writing is your ministry sista! ;)
ReplyDeleteThanks for the encouragement Angie =) To God be the glory =D I pray that I will grow from wisdom to wisdom and that as my soul prospers, so will the rest of my life. I believe the same for you =D
ReplyDelete