Running away from the "Wilderness "
"The attitude you have in the wilderness decides how long you're gonna stay there. You complain and remain, you praise and you'll be raised." - Joyce Meyer
Sometimes after talking to Mum, I feel drained and she feels drained. I feel frustrated that she always tries to find something to say to hurt or anger or belittle or stir up ill feelings. It's not that we don't love each other - we do... but our love language is all jumbled up, and that causes misunderstandings and issues.
I felt particularly frustrated 'coz she "made noise" about my missing i/c. I had my i/c stolen quite a while back already, and had not gone to make a new one coz it costs too much. (I have since applied and they waivered the charge to $100.) I didn't tell her about it coz it wasn't going to help letting her know. Besides, she just doesn't believe me that my i/c was pick pocketed, and just kept judging and making me feel really bad.
I felt so angry and I felt un-sanctified thoughts and words surfacing in my mind and heart. So I quickly shoved those aside and listened to one of Joyce Meyer's podcasts after a few grumbles escaped my lips. Reining in my tongue 'coz I prefer speaking edifying words with it than curses or murmurings. It is good not to speak blessings and curses with the same tool. If it is a tool for good, it remains a tool for good. Learning slowly but surely...
I refuse to stew in my anger because it will just keep boiling and growing in flavour. So I quickly tossed it out and focused on my writing and on thinking edifying thoughts. Guarding my heart and mind... ^.^" I also don't want to give Kae a negative example to follow. Keeping my mind firmly shut to wrong thoughts. =p
Really not keen on going to and remaining in the "wilderness" over such little things ... I spent too long in that place and I don't want to waste my time there. I remember what it did to me and I've seen what it does to people - dry them up and turn them all bitter and angry and dark and superstitious and desperate and despairing. And it is always the little things that guide the unknowing person step by step, like breadcrumbs, deeper and deeper into the thorny mess that is the wild.
I really love my Mum a lot, and I believe that some day we can really connect in a friendly, loving way ala Gilmore Girls. But I understand my parents are not perfect and neither am I perfect, so I will look up and up and up to my Heavenly Daddy... =) Someday it'll happen. Someday. Christ will make it a possibility! AMEN!
Till then, I am the righteousness of God in Christ and I am going to abide in Christ... it is a way better place to be... in Him.
Sometimes after talking to Mum, I feel drained and she feels drained. I feel frustrated that she always tries to find something to say to hurt or anger or belittle or stir up ill feelings. It's not that we don't love each other - we do... but our love language is all jumbled up, and that causes misunderstandings and issues.
I felt particularly frustrated 'coz she "made noise" about my missing i/c. I had my i/c stolen quite a while back already, and had not gone to make a new one coz it costs too much. (I have since applied and they waivered the charge to $100.) I didn't tell her about it coz it wasn't going to help letting her know. Besides, she just doesn't believe me that my i/c was pick pocketed, and just kept judging and making me feel really bad.
I felt so angry and I felt un-sanctified thoughts and words surfacing in my mind and heart. So I quickly shoved those aside and listened to one of Joyce Meyer's podcasts after a few grumbles escaped my lips. Reining in my tongue 'coz I prefer speaking edifying words with it than curses or murmurings. It is good not to speak blessings and curses with the same tool. If it is a tool for good, it remains a tool for good. Learning slowly but surely...
I refuse to stew in my anger because it will just keep boiling and growing in flavour. So I quickly tossed it out and focused on my writing and on thinking edifying thoughts. Guarding my heart and mind... ^.^" I also don't want to give Kae a negative example to follow. Keeping my mind firmly shut to wrong thoughts. =p
Really not keen on going to and remaining in the "wilderness" over such little things ... I spent too long in that place and I don't want to waste my time there. I remember what it did to me and I've seen what it does to people - dry them up and turn them all bitter and angry and dark and superstitious and desperate and despairing. And it is always the little things that guide the unknowing person step by step, like breadcrumbs, deeper and deeper into the thorny mess that is the wild.
I really love my Mum a lot, and I believe that some day we can really connect in a friendly, loving way ala Gilmore Girls. But I understand my parents are not perfect and neither am I perfect, so I will look up and up and up to my Heavenly Daddy... =) Someday it'll happen. Someday. Christ will make it a possibility! AMEN!
Till then, I am the righteousness of God in Christ and I am going to abide in Christ... it is a way better place to be... in Him.
I can so identify with you on this. My mom is a non believer and because of the 'hard' life she's been thru, she's exceptionally skeptical about things and people ard her. I'm always affected by her words in a way that it's such a pity she doesn't know and doesn't want to know Christ. I'm believing that that day will come. Because with God, all things are possible! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks for your sharing!