Love Dare: Day 10
LOVE IS UNCONDITIONAL
How would you answer someone who asks you why you love your spouse? Would you say it's his/her looks, personality, or character?
But what happens if your spouse changes and stops being all of these things after some years? Will you still love them then? Will your love fade away in proportion to those faded qualities? Was your love based on those conditions in the first place?
The only Love that endures time and myriad circumstances is an unconditional love.
The Kendricks remind us that the Truth is Love is not determined by the one being loved but rather by the one choosing to love. The Greek call this Agape.
There are other types of love- phileo or friendship, eros or sexual love. Whilst these types of loves are qualities that are also important components of one's marriage, the foundation of your marriage can't just be about having good sex or shared hobbies as they're not firm foundations.
Phileo and Eros are dependant on emotions. They fluctuate like the British weather. Agape is however unconditional and unselfish. So whilst phileo and eros suffer from wear and tear, agape is the sort of love you promised each other on your wedding day. It is the only kind of love that's true love- the sort that weathers storms, that hangs around no matter what. That's the sort of love God has for us.
See 1 John 4:10- In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins. He loves us not because we are loveable, but because He is so loving. Loving us is purely a choice He made. It's a gift we cannot earn, we cannot proud ourselves worthy of.
If a man tells his wife that he no longer loves her, chances are he has never loved her unconditionally. His love was most likely based on feelings, circumstances and not commitment. This is the result of a love based on phileo and eros. There must be a stronger foundation than mere friendship or sexual attraction, urges the Kendricks. Agape does not give up in the face of trials or passing time.
This doesn't mean The End for the relationship built on the wrong foundation. There's still redemption and restoration to be had but there's a lot of rebuilding to be done, and once rebuilt with the right foundation of Agape, the phileo and eros aspects are further strengthened along with the whole marital relationship.
But this love cannot be attained through self-efforts, it can only be attained through our letting God grow His unconditional love within us for we cannot give what we don't have. And once we receive it, we must share it for it to grow.
Once you cover your spouse under such a love, and she or he grows in confidence under its shelter, she or he might also undergo some growing and changing in love, becoming more loveable than before. The book goes on to say that you'll no longer have to say "I love you because..." but "I love you, period."
TODAY'S QUOTATIONS-
Romans 5:8, 1 John 4:10, 1 John 4:19, 1 Cor 13:7, Romans 8:38-39, Psalm 32:10
TODAY'S DARE-
Do something out of the ordinary today for your spouse- something that proves (to you and to them) that your love is based on your choice and nothing else. Wash her car. Clean the kitchen. Buy his favourite dessert. Fold the laundry. Demonstrate love to them for the sheer joy of being their partner in marriage.
TODAY'S REFLECTION-
Has your love in the past been based on your spouse's attributes and behaviour, or on your commitment? How can you continue to show love when it's not returned in a way you hoped for?
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