Love Dare: Day 17
LOVE PROMOTES INTIMACY
Marriage is the most intimate amongst all the relationships we experience in life. It should be more intimate than the closeness we have with an old secondary school classmate, a sibling, a cousin or your best friend.
We're all born with a hunger within us, an emptiness that wants to be filled by love, acknowledgement and acceptance. We want to be valued by our loved ones. We want them to recall our names, to recognize us on the streets.
The idea of sharing our life and home with another person who knows every single detail about who we are is "part of the deep pleasure of marriage."
Just like there are two sides to a coin, opening your heart to someone in such a capacity can mean some one loving you in ways you've never imagined before, or some one hurting us in ways that we've never thought possible before. This vulnerability, according to the authors is "both the fire and the fear of marriage."
So has opening your life and heart to your spouse lead you to experience fear or passion? Are the secrets your spouse knows about you drawing you closer or tearing you apart because of an issue of shame or guilt? Do you each make the other feel secure or afraid?
If your home is not your harbour that you anchor yourself to at the end me each day, your ship might feel tempted to dock elsewhere. This is how affairs begin- people seeking shelter and acceptance in another's arms. Or you might give a favourite hobby or past time priority over the spouse because it means being around others who respect and acknowledge you.
Your spouse should not feel they are walking on eggshells around you all the time, that you're a landmine waiting to explode. You're the last person who should cause them to feel that way. The pressure on them to be perfect in your eyes before they can feel loved and accepted is wrong. There should be no fear hovering above you both. Instead these should be freedom. Your "nakedness" should bring about greater intimacy not cause you to feel ashamed.
Marriage also means sharing each other's baggage. You've brought your load into his life and vice versa. It can be awkward. Details you've never had to share before are out in the open. We have reasons to feel especially vulnerable but marriage should be place me protection where we can share our greatest weaknesses, not just our strengths, and our darkest secrets and still receive encouragement, love, acceptance, gentle correction protection and healing, as well as a sense of camaderie from our significant other.
We can choose to reject or accept our spouse when all is stripped away and every flaw is revealed. They either know they are no safe ground where they can make mistakes and still receive help and edification, or they will hide away within themselves and maybe forever be out of your reach. Loving our spouses well should be one of our missions in life.
God loves up despite being the One who knows every one of our imperfections- hidden or exposed. He loves us so much a popular hymn says that even if the ocean were ink and the sky, parchment, it would not be enough to write about His love for us. We love because we are loved much, forgive because we're forgiven much. How can we want our spouses to meet impossible conditions me perfection that we ourselves have difficulty meeting? We should take a leaf from our heavenly Dad and love, accept and understand them from the point of grace.
You might have tried and failed miserably in this area before so perhaps your mate will take some time to open her heart to you again. But be patient and keep no rebuilding that shattered trust. Stand at the door to his or her heart and knock like Jesus. He doesn't gatecrash but waits to be invited in.
Intimacy is not instant can soup. It takes time to prepare the ingredients, to double boil, to slowly brew and wait. This is esp so after you've compromised the relationship before . But you can committ to re-establishing it right now. It's not the end, only the beginning.
TODAY'S QUOTES-
Prov 17:9, 1 John 4:18, Gen 2:25, Psalm 139:2-4, Revelation 3:20, Songs 6:3.
TODAY'S DARE-
Determine to guard your mate's secret (unless they are dangerous to you) and to pray for them. Talk with your spouse, and resolve to demo love despite these issues. Really listen to them when they share personal thoughts and struggles with you. Make them feel safe.
TODAY'S REFLECTION-
How much of an effort is it for you to hold back from saying something negative or critical? What have you learned about your spouse today, simply from listening?
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