Love Dare: Day 12
LOVE LETS THE OTHER WIN
What are the 3 areas where you and your spouse disagree? Have you come out with a top ten list yet? :) The Kendricks tell us in their book that until one of us makes the first move to give in, the same probs will keep surfacing.
We're all stubborn to some degree and we're defensive by nature- a source of great frustration.
There are two sides to a coin and there are also two sides to Stubborness. It's good when we're standing up for our beliefs and protecting the things we treasure- our priorities, our morals, our obedience to God. Our stubborness does not serve us well when we pick on little things- the material for the curtains, what to eat for dinner, etc.
Then there are other more pertinent issues- MIL issues, where to put the kids for primary school, marriage counselling or not- issues that are explosive.
They never truly go away but hover over you, waiting to swoop down and press your buttons when you least expect it. The authors liken it to driving with parking brakes on.
In chess, when two opponents reach a stalemate where it's clear no one's going to win, they both WILLINGLY come to a draw. I've watched K playing chess and whenever the kids decide to draw, they each get half a point. There were moments where some kids refuse to accept a draw so they'd plough on for another twenty odd moves before arbitrators come in to call the draw.
It's important for couples to be gracious in their attitude, and to learn that not all battles must be won. We need to learn how to "gracefully bend in the wind".
Jesus was a model of gracious and selfless love. As God, said the Kendricks, He could've refused to come down as a mere mortal, but He yielded and did because He was willing. He should've been served by His creation but ended up serving us instead. He willingly laid His life down to redeem us from our sins past, present and future. He took the heat of the wrath of God, ensuring God's perfect justice was satisfied on the Cross because He loved His Father and He loved us. So He was obedient to His Father's will unto the Cross.
Paul reminds us in Phil 2:5 to " have this attitude yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus." What attitude? Humble submission, not being rigid, a Spirit of willingness. Letting good, and not your ego, win at the end of the day.
As long as no one bends or gives in, the battle will keep going on. The battle ceases when one party is able to agree to give their partner's view, and thus their marriage, a shot. The price might be a slice of humble pie and it might be uncomfortable, but it's all worth it at the end of the day.
Some are afraid that by giving in they'll seem foolish or soft, but by being stubborn and uncompromising, they've already earned those honours.
What's more important- the colour of the walls or your marriage? The model of washing machine you want to buy or your partner's feelings of self worth?
When we learn to, as the Chinese would say, bear the brief stirring of a storm, we each learn to take step back to enjoy a slice of heaven.
Take some Love 101 advice from James 3:17, give value to what your partner says. You're on the same team. A house divided unto itself will only fall to ruins.
There will always be differences because we each have our personal convictions. We compliment each other's strengths and weaknesses and do best by listening and learning from each other.
Are you willing to show your partner you love them by demonstrating your love or is pride getting in the way. If it doesn't matter in the long run, esp in the face of forever, then the Kendricks share that you should give in and choose to honour the one you love- it'll be good for you and for your marriage.
TODAY'S QUOTE-
Phil 2, James 3:17, Romans 12:18
TODAY'S DARE-
Demo love by willingly choosing to give in to an area of disagreement between you and your spouse. Tell them you are putting their preference first.
TODAY'S REFLECTION-
What issue did you choose? What did giving in cost you? How will this help you in the future?
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