Sorry for the long hiatus
I was rushing out deadlines and going for meetings and recces... and before I knew it, the week was out! =) It was highly eventful and there was so much to think about and praise God for.
Some key recaps for the week -
The Hospice & Memories of Grandma - learning to let go
I went to Dover Park Hospice a few days ago for a recce and it has offered some closure for me.
My maternal granny, whom I was very close to, was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer when I was a teenager... I was just going to JC and it was hard for me to deal with it. I am ashamed that I dealt with her illness by escapism. Instead of spending time with her, I ran further away because I could not deal with my grandma looking less like herself and more like a shell. She was jaundiced, emancipated and it was a very painful and sad time for me.
I wasn't even there when she finally left. I had gone to England. I still remember the last phone conversation we had. I was about to go on the plane and my aunt made a call to where my grandny was. Granny asked me why i was going so far away to study ? She asked me to do my best for my studies and to be a good person. She told me she would miss me.
A few months later, Granny passed away. For 2 weeks no one told me she had crossed the bar. They had brought her to the Hospice shortly before she had done so.
I was told how by my Dad's sister how my Gran had become more cheerful and alert on the day she was moved to the hospice. And she also told me a very amazing account of what happened before her death. I will blog about this a few days from now.
So the Hospice was the last place Granny had been and I had not been there by her bedside like I imagined I would.
Stepping into Dover Park Hospice, I had already braced myself for the flood of thoughts I would have on Granny and also about the patients there. I guess because I knew where Granny was - with Christ - I was able not to let my thoughts wander too much into the darkness but was able to focus on the light of it all. Dover Park Hospice's sunny and airy surroundings helped too.
Dover Park Hospice has an admirable vision for every one who comes through its doors- If we cannot add days to life, we add life to days. As I joined the doctors on their daily round and spoke to people there, it was clear how that was accomplished.
The staff at Dover Park Hospice had real heart for their patients - the doctors and nurses treat the patients as they would a family member. Bending close to talk to them, massaging their limbs lovingly, encouraging their relatives and loved ones through the hard time, helping their patients to not be afraid of the journey they are taking but to live what is left of life fully. Patients are not treated like it is the end of the road for them. They are taken on excursions, given physiotherapy to ease their pains and discomforts - some patients are even able to walk after physiotherapy where they had previously been bedridden and in pain! Pet therapy and music therapy are also made available to everyone there. Unlike most hospices where people are just given a daily wipe to clean them, Dover park Hospice goes the extra mile to bath each patient every morning. Patients are placed on a special shower trolley with the aid of a special hoisting device and nurses help to batg them. The doctors told me how it is a small act that is deeply appreciated as a bath makes a huge difference to how comfortable a person feels.
Here, there is respect given to the patient's last lap of life as much as there is respect with regards to their passing on in a matter of days, weeks or months.
A patient was very ill and his children wanted to bring their son to see him. Due to Chinese superstitious beliefs about kids coming to a place like this, the hospice helped him accomplish their dreams of the meeting by putting the patient on a special wheelchair that was plushly cushioned and wheeling him to their beautiful garden and koi pond. There, his grandson could wheel him around. His grandson who was learning to talk called him Gong Gong (grandpa) on that day for the first time as well and it was a very proud moment for the old man. That was a few days ago, and the day I went he was asleep and looked like he was about to say goodbye.
Another patient's sister told me also about how they had been to many hospitals and hospices and felt that Dover park Hospice was the best. She hit the nail on the head when she talked about how no patient seemed to be in pain, moaning or crying out in discomfort like in other places. She was impressed by how the staff respected the patients and showed no fear of death or disease which encouraged her to show the same spirit to her dying brother and a friend in a different hospice. She praised the staff for their incredible knowledge and the tender loving care - qualities I too saw for myself in the doctors and nurses.
The doctors really spend time listening to each patient and each family member of those under their care. They don't look at their watches and try to run off quickly. They hug the family members, rub their arms in a consoling way as they counsel them. It is understood that the patients are suffering but their family is also in need of as much care and comfort as their loved one who is ill. As a doctor there told me - for some of the relatives it is hard because in life we don't look back and regret what we have done but what we didn't do. For some of these relatives, they have a burden of regret that they carry and need help with.
As I walked down the garden of DPH, I thought about grandma. I felt myself saying goodbye to her down those corridors - the way I could not all those years ago. I knew she wasn't there but it helped me let go and forgive a part of me that I had been holding on to in guilt. I had felt guilty that I had not given her the time and love she required, instead I had cowered away in fear of losing her and because I couldn't deal with the pain of watching her grow more and more jaundiced and thin. Someone had even said it was because of my sinful nature that she had become ill, and although I knew it was not true and utter tosh, I had felt like I had a part to play in her suffering.
As i saw relatives cry, relatives celebrate the last bit of life with their dying kin... I felt a part of me was mirrored in each of them - their tears, their smiles, their pain and their hope.
I miss Grandma and I wish she had a chance to have seen Kaelen, but a part of me felt she was there before.
I had a dream once of her... I had not dreamt of Grandma at all since her death but that ONE time... I dreamt that she had come to visit me at my place the way she used to. She came to my house to watch TV and just chill. Before she left, she told me everything would be all right and it was her way of saying I love you. She had smiled and it felt as if she had been allowed to be in my dream to encourage me during one of the hardest and darkest part of my life journey.
That dream meant so much to me...
I know that this is not a final goodbye... just a temporary goodbye... a letting go off mortal memories of time spent and guilt burdened within. When eternity is rolled out ahead of us, when we are raptured and taken to heaven, I know I will see her again. =) And I celebrate that TRUE LIFE we will be able to share then.
I love you Mama and I can't wait for that day to see you smile and to hug you again. I am so glad that you are with Christ and I thank you for your love when you were alive.
-------------------- end part 1
The Holy Spirit teaches Kaelen
Kids can be cruel. That is the most important childhood memory that I've never let go.
I had been bullied throughout my childhood because I was different from my peers. I liked evergreens instead of pop songs, I didn't care about fads, I loved to read and was a real bookworm, I was not allowed to go to birthday parties (those of my classmates)... in a way I was a geek but I wasn't all square as I grew up - I was a silent rebel in a way. BUT growing up was a painful journey and a friend who only in recent months found out how depressed I was (she is a classmate of mine from Pri and Sec School) had this to say - "I think you were just more mature than we were at that age and we couldn't understand the stuff you could. We were more interested in all those stupid things."
So I am very aware of the cute sunshine side of kids and how they can be mindlessly cruel in their actions and words... herd mentality is an awful thing. Each child alone can have good thoughts, right thoughts. It is in a herd that they can be dangerous and hurtful.
Well, Kae was exposed to such a scenario a few days back and Dad told me that Kae had been jeered in school by his classmates.
So just before bedtime the little one and I had a little chat about it.
Ben 10 is the latest hit cartoon amongst the boys; it is pretty well written and animated. We had gotten Kae a Ben 10 bedsheet and pillowcase from Toa Payoh Central as a treat a while back & it delighted him so much to have his mattress and pillow personalised that way. =)
Apparently the kids in school were asking who owns Ben 10 toys. Kae told them that he has a Ben 10 bedsheet and pillowcase, nd the kids said "No, only toys are counted." When he said he didn't have any but those that he had listed, they laughed at him and called him "lame".
Concerned about his feelings, because he can be quite emotionally sensitive, I asked him how he felt about the matter. His reply was a very heartening one. He told me "It's okay Mummy. It's very silly because it's just toys.There are other important things."
I praise God that he is able to see it this way. =D We are busy reading a pretty good free RBC kid's book that we got in the mail today. It has special memory verses and he seems more engrossed in that than in wondering about the hurtful stuff the children said. Yay!
I am sure that as he moves on to Primary One, the Holy Spirit will teach him all things, including how to handle the pressures that our kids can face amongst their peers in a new place. I pray he will be highly favoured by the teachers and children and that he will be greatly blessed & adjust well to the new surroundings.
Having been bullied before throughout my school life for preferring different things and being interested in other stuff than the other kids, I pray that he doesn't experience what I did or that if he does, he will be able to draw strength from Christ and rise above the circumstances. Amen?
Kids can be so cruel... but our children are blessed and protected from such cruelty because of right believing and right thinking. Praise Jesus!
-------------------- end part 2
Praising Him Through the Storm
On Thursday night, Ian faced a great challenge. An editor had not done his job as well as he was expected to and Ian had to clean up after his mistakes, also the programme they were working on had files that kept strangely becoming corrupted. =( It happened twice rendering a total of 6 hours worth of hard work useless.
Ian battked a growing frustration and told me he tried real hard not to blow up initially, but when the project started giving issues, I was there (I had cooked and delivered Seafood Tom Yum Soup to eat along with him for dinner). I played worship songs and we just praised our way through the storm and prayed together over the situation - asking Christ to reign over the office and its equipment and the problems we were facing. We consecrated where we were to be holy ground and we believed that Chirst is bigger than any issue we faced that night.
I was glad that I could be by Ian's side the whole night and I was happy that we got some rest after that when we came home to sleep around 9+am.
I believe that as a couple, we can pray together and that is one of the greatest blessings as a married couple - we are not alone in our journey throguh this life. =)
I praise God for Thursday night, Friday morning - that Ian and I was able to praise Him through the storm. I thank Him for the strength He filled us with and the grace He imparted into the circumstances.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good!
------------------ end post
Some key recaps for the week -
The Hospice & Memories of Grandma - learning to let go
I went to Dover Park Hospice a few days ago for a recce and it has offered some closure for me.
My maternal granny, whom I was very close to, was diagnosed with Colorectal Cancer when I was a teenager... I was just going to JC and it was hard for me to deal with it. I am ashamed that I dealt with her illness by escapism. Instead of spending time with her, I ran further away because I could not deal with my grandma looking less like herself and more like a shell. She was jaundiced, emancipated and it was a very painful and sad time for me.
I wasn't even there when she finally left. I had gone to England. I still remember the last phone conversation we had. I was about to go on the plane and my aunt made a call to where my grandny was. Granny asked me why i was going so far away to study ? She asked me to do my best for my studies and to be a good person. She told me she would miss me.
A few months later, Granny passed away. For 2 weeks no one told me she had crossed the bar. They had brought her to the Hospice shortly before she had done so.
I was told how by my Dad's sister how my Gran had become more cheerful and alert on the day she was moved to the hospice. And she also told me a very amazing account of what happened before her death. I will blog about this a few days from now.
So the Hospice was the last place Granny had been and I had not been there by her bedside like I imagined I would.
Stepping into Dover Park Hospice, I had already braced myself for the flood of thoughts I would have on Granny and also about the patients there. I guess because I knew where Granny was - with Christ - I was able not to let my thoughts wander too much into the darkness but was able to focus on the light of it all. Dover Park Hospice's sunny and airy surroundings helped too.
Dover Park Hospice has an admirable vision for every one who comes through its doors- If we cannot add days to life, we add life to days. As I joined the doctors on their daily round and spoke to people there, it was clear how that was accomplished.
The staff at Dover Park Hospice had real heart for their patients - the doctors and nurses treat the patients as they would a family member. Bending close to talk to them, massaging their limbs lovingly, encouraging their relatives and loved ones through the hard time, helping their patients to not be afraid of the journey they are taking but to live what is left of life fully. Patients are not treated like it is the end of the road for them. They are taken on excursions, given physiotherapy to ease their pains and discomforts - some patients are even able to walk after physiotherapy where they had previously been bedridden and in pain! Pet therapy and music therapy are also made available to everyone there. Unlike most hospices where people are just given a daily wipe to clean them, Dover park Hospice goes the extra mile to bath each patient every morning. Patients are placed on a special shower trolley with the aid of a special hoisting device and nurses help to batg them. The doctors told me how it is a small act that is deeply appreciated as a bath makes a huge difference to how comfortable a person feels.
Here, there is respect given to the patient's last lap of life as much as there is respect with regards to their passing on in a matter of days, weeks or months.
A patient was very ill and his children wanted to bring their son to see him. Due to Chinese superstitious beliefs about kids coming to a place like this, the hospice helped him accomplish their dreams of the meeting by putting the patient on a special wheelchair that was plushly cushioned and wheeling him to their beautiful garden and koi pond. There, his grandson could wheel him around. His grandson who was learning to talk called him Gong Gong (grandpa) on that day for the first time as well and it was a very proud moment for the old man. That was a few days ago, and the day I went he was asleep and looked like he was about to say goodbye.
Another patient's sister told me also about how they had been to many hospitals and hospices and felt that Dover park Hospice was the best. She hit the nail on the head when she talked about how no patient seemed to be in pain, moaning or crying out in discomfort like in other places. She was impressed by how the staff respected the patients and showed no fear of death or disease which encouraged her to show the same spirit to her dying brother and a friend in a different hospice. She praised the staff for their incredible knowledge and the tender loving care - qualities I too saw for myself in the doctors and nurses.
The doctors really spend time listening to each patient and each family member of those under their care. They don't look at their watches and try to run off quickly. They hug the family members, rub their arms in a consoling way as they counsel them. It is understood that the patients are suffering but their family is also in need of as much care and comfort as their loved one who is ill. As a doctor there told me - for some of the relatives it is hard because in life we don't look back and regret what we have done but what we didn't do. For some of these relatives, they have a burden of regret that they carry and need help with.
As I walked down the garden of DPH, I thought about grandma. I felt myself saying goodbye to her down those corridors - the way I could not all those years ago. I knew she wasn't there but it helped me let go and forgive a part of me that I had been holding on to in guilt. I had felt guilty that I had not given her the time and love she required, instead I had cowered away in fear of losing her and because I couldn't deal with the pain of watching her grow more and more jaundiced and thin. Someone had even said it was because of my sinful nature that she had become ill, and although I knew it was not true and utter tosh, I had felt like I had a part to play in her suffering.
As i saw relatives cry, relatives celebrate the last bit of life with their dying kin... I felt a part of me was mirrored in each of them - their tears, their smiles, their pain and their hope.
I miss Grandma and I wish she had a chance to have seen Kaelen, but a part of me felt she was there before.
I had a dream once of her... I had not dreamt of Grandma at all since her death but that ONE time... I dreamt that she had come to visit me at my place the way she used to. She came to my house to watch TV and just chill. Before she left, she told me everything would be all right and it was her way of saying I love you. She had smiled and it felt as if she had been allowed to be in my dream to encourage me during one of the hardest and darkest part of my life journey.
That dream meant so much to me...
I know that this is not a final goodbye... just a temporary goodbye... a letting go off mortal memories of time spent and guilt burdened within. When eternity is rolled out ahead of us, when we are raptured and taken to heaven, I know I will see her again. =) And I celebrate that TRUE LIFE we will be able to share then.
I love you Mama and I can't wait for that day to see you smile and to hug you again. I am so glad that you are with Christ and I thank you for your love when you were alive.
-------------------- end part 1
The Holy Spirit teaches Kaelen
Kids can be cruel. That is the most important childhood memory that I've never let go.
I had been bullied throughout my childhood because I was different from my peers. I liked evergreens instead of pop songs, I didn't care about fads, I loved to read and was a real bookworm, I was not allowed to go to birthday parties (those of my classmates)... in a way I was a geek but I wasn't all square as I grew up - I was a silent rebel in a way. BUT growing up was a painful journey and a friend who only in recent months found out how depressed I was (she is a classmate of mine from Pri and Sec School) had this to say - "I think you were just more mature than we were at that age and we couldn't understand the stuff you could. We were more interested in all those stupid things."
So I am very aware of the cute sunshine side of kids and how they can be mindlessly cruel in their actions and words... herd mentality is an awful thing. Each child alone can have good thoughts, right thoughts. It is in a herd that they can be dangerous and hurtful.
Well, Kae was exposed to such a scenario a few days back and Dad told me that Kae had been jeered in school by his classmates.
So just before bedtime the little one and I had a little chat about it.
Ben 10 is the latest hit cartoon amongst the boys; it is pretty well written and animated. We had gotten Kae a Ben 10 bedsheet and pillowcase from Toa Payoh Central as a treat a while back & it delighted him so much to have his mattress and pillow personalised that way. =)
Apparently the kids in school were asking who owns Ben 10 toys. Kae told them that he has a Ben 10 bedsheet and pillowcase, nd the kids said "No, only toys are counted." When he said he didn't have any but those that he had listed, they laughed at him and called him "lame".
Concerned about his feelings, because he can be quite emotionally sensitive, I asked him how he felt about the matter. His reply was a very heartening one. He told me "It's okay Mummy. It's very silly because it's just toys.There are other important things."
I praise God that he is able to see it this way. =D We are busy reading a pretty good free RBC kid's book that we got in the mail today. It has special memory verses and he seems more engrossed in that than in wondering about the hurtful stuff the children said. Yay!
I am sure that as he moves on to Primary One, the Holy Spirit will teach him all things, including how to handle the pressures that our kids can face amongst their peers in a new place. I pray he will be highly favoured by the teachers and children and that he will be greatly blessed & adjust well to the new surroundings.
Having been bullied before throughout my school life for preferring different things and being interested in other stuff than the other kids, I pray that he doesn't experience what I did or that if he does, he will be able to draw strength from Christ and rise above the circumstances. Amen?
Kids can be so cruel... but our children are blessed and protected from such cruelty because of right believing and right thinking. Praise Jesus!
-------------------- end part 2
Praising Him Through the Storm
On Thursday night, Ian faced a great challenge. An editor had not done his job as well as he was expected to and Ian had to clean up after his mistakes, also the programme they were working on had files that kept strangely becoming corrupted. =( It happened twice rendering a total of 6 hours worth of hard work useless.
Ian battked a growing frustration and told me he tried real hard not to blow up initially, but when the project started giving issues, I was there (I had cooked and delivered Seafood Tom Yum Soup to eat along with him for dinner). I played worship songs and we just praised our way through the storm and prayed together over the situation - asking Christ to reign over the office and its equipment and the problems we were facing. We consecrated where we were to be holy ground and we believed that Chirst is bigger than any issue we faced that night.
I was glad that I could be by Ian's side the whole night and I was happy that we got some rest after that when we came home to sleep around 9+am.
I believe that as a couple, we can pray together and that is one of the greatest blessings as a married couple - we are not alone in our journey throguh this life. =)
I praise God for Thursday night, Friday morning - that Ian and I was able to praise Him through the storm. I thank Him for the strength He filled us with and the grace He imparted into the circumstances.
God is good all the time and all the time God is good!
------------------ end post
Amen to that. Thanks for staying by my side, Dear. =)
ReplyDeleteYour blog never fail to astonish me. Such insight. =)
Love you,
your Hubby