To my sisters out there who are hurting... (may it touch whoever it needs to touch)

My dear sister,

I know it can be difficult riding out your relationship problems with the other half. Some times it feels even as if the relationship has hollowed you out completely and you feel so alone, so tired and so empty.

I can't say I understand totally what you are going through exactly as we all have different experiences, but I have been in my fair share of bad relationships and my fair share of heartache. I know how much it hurts - sometimes so much, that it feels like you are dying inside.

I want you to know that where you are now, Jesus is with you. He is holding you tight and loving you amidst the storm. He is loving you in spite of what you've done, in spite of what you've become, in spite of the angry words your boyfriend said or the negative criticisms the world tosses at you.

I remember a secular song I once loved to listen and sing to which spoke about how a girl was trying to find her Saviour in the men she dated. Sometimes, we do not realise this but we are disappointed in our love lives because we expect our romantic love to fulfil us in a way only our true love, Jesus, can. So many of us don't even realise when we place the boyfriend before Christ in our life. It just happened. The bf's will overrides what Christ instructs us. The bf's words matter more than the Shepherd's. The bf's opinion matters more than your Heavenly Daddy's.

Sometimes we allow the boyfriend to draw and draw from the heart, till it is parched, cracked and dried up. Then bitterness and anger and frustration and depression sets in because the heart is no longer being watered but is sitting in the arid desert.

A relationship should be as much of giving as it is of taking. If one side is taking all the time and not giving, something is not right and a balance must be sought before the relationship can be deemed healthy for the soul at all.

I used to give and give and give until I was all broken up. Then I'd get patched up and get all sucked dry again. This happened over and over again whilst I was dating because I did not see how much I was worth the love. I did not understand the value Jesus saw in me and so I allowed the guys to devalue my worth with the things they did to me, they said to me. I allowed myself to move out of my position as Jesus's beloved disciple into a rubbish place of hurt and pain just to try to get the boyfriend to love me. How is that worth it I don't know. Nothing... no man or no romantic relationship... is worth hurting yourself for.

You are God's beloved and you deserve to be with a man who can love you and respect you the way Jesus loves and respects the church.

I remember how in my previous church, the music pastor sang a very lovely song called "First Love". Just him, his guitar and a heart of worship. He bade all of us to close our eyes and to meditate on the lyrics... it felt like my heart song.

The lyrics made me think of how I used to just spend time with Jesus and how happy I felt during those personal moments with Him. How it transcended every human relationship I had. I thought about all the pain I allowed myself to go through because I had wandered away from His love and tender mercies toward me. How I thought I could find love in the arms of the guys I dated but not realizing how much their love would pale in comparison to His. None of them could understand me like He does... not even my hubby (who loves me so much and vice versa)

You might feel Christ speaking to you differently but the lyrics are as follows. (I recorded the song on my phone recorder, please excuse my not very pretty mug lol)



Take me back to first love
to the place where i once was
where my passion was just obeying
And prayer was sweet
The sweetest thing I knew
and everything was possible with You
Take me to the place of my first love with You
The place of my first love with You x2

Take me back to first love
to the place where i once was
I could hear You o so clearly
And holiness was all i desired
Wanting nothing less
Than being like Jesus
My cry is
Take me to first love with You
The place of my first love with You x3

My heart was free-
But wanting to be seen
Just wanting only
Your anointing
They say you rise
When you get older
All I know is I've grown colder

Take me back to first love
to the place where i once was
where my passion was just obeying
And prayer was sweet
The sweetest thing I knew
And everything was possible with You
Take me to the place of my first love with You
The place of my first love with You x 2


When your heart feels like it is at its breaking point, draw from the well that will never run dry and go on a date with Jesus. Spend some quiet time with Him and hear what He is saying about your situation and your relationship.

Sometimes what separates us from having the best that God has to offer us, is our stubbornly holding on to something we need to let go of. The something could be an unhealthy relationship, a personal desire that does not align with God's will for us, or past hurts that we allow to eat into us and even manifest in what we say that causes problems between us and our loved ones.

Hold the relationship between your boyfriend and yourself with a loose hand and allow Jesus to take the wheel. Let Him love you and to minister to you first if you are already feeling like a dried up brook with no more tears to shed.

Don't forget you are greatly loved by your first and only true love... It can never get worse, only better.

Love your sister-in-Christ
Geri