A heartfelt letter to parents of children
Today I want to address an important issue to parents that of sexual abuse or harassment.
In a recent local article, it was reported that 2 in 5 women have been sexually harassed but never told anyone about it.
I believe this culture of silent suffering and psychological punishment has its roots in one word - SHAME.
Many parents here love to use the term "shame shame" when their toddlers run around naked in the house, do something wrong or aggrieve them. Perhaps it sounds harmless enough, but use it long enough and it does incubate in them a fear of shame with regards to their sexuality and issues regarding to their private bits and pieces.
I was molested in Primary 3 or 4 by the trusted mama stall uncle down from my aunt's flat. I was beginning to slowly develop then and i was not the only person to realise that. This man we greeted and spoke to from our wee little years, exploited the trust our family had in him and brought darkness into little souls. It began with harmless gifts of snacks, sweets... and then one day he struck. He told me "I am helping you to develop properly by doing this." What an abject lie! But I did not dare to shout, scream or move.
I was afraid and felt guilty that I had been molested and I did not dare tell anyone. I was molested continually a few times whilst running errands.
I remember the feeling I had in the lift on the way up after the first incident. I felt scared. I felt dirty. I felt like I had lost my innocence.
I did not tell my parents as I feared my Mum would scold me and blame me for it. I did not tell my aunt coz I felt ashamed. I bore it all silently.
The mama shop uncle went back to india one day and his niece took over manning the shop. I was older then... Primary 5 or 6 and she shared that she had been molested by her uncle too. When I saw this perpertrator one day serving at another mama shop near my piano teacher's place, I remember running away from the shop, heart beating furiously against old wounds.
I kept quiet for a long time and one day realised that my cousin had been similarly molested as well. How many girls and women were molested by this awful man I have no idea. But one thing is for sure, had we been empowered that it is okay to tell people when we've been molested, that it is not our fault and that by speaking up we can save other girls from the same fate, things would have been so much different.
It is important, parents, that we do not make our kids feel ashamed about asking and talking about their sexual curiosities, worries and anxieities before us. We should make it easy for them to confide in us about such things because the world can teach horrible lessons and people outside can teach them the wrong values.
Let us put aside the "shame shame" and let them know it is okay to share share instead. It can make a difference in their lives and in our relationship with them.
In a recent local article, it was reported that 2 in 5 women have been sexually harassed but never told anyone about it.
I believe this culture of silent suffering and psychological punishment has its roots in one word - SHAME.
Many parents here love to use the term "shame shame" when their toddlers run around naked in the house, do something wrong or aggrieve them. Perhaps it sounds harmless enough, but use it long enough and it does incubate in them a fear of shame with regards to their sexuality and issues regarding to their private bits and pieces.
I was molested in Primary 3 or 4 by the trusted mama stall uncle down from my aunt's flat. I was beginning to slowly develop then and i was not the only person to realise that. This man we greeted and spoke to from our wee little years, exploited the trust our family had in him and brought darkness into little souls. It began with harmless gifts of snacks, sweets... and then one day he struck. He told me "I am helping you to develop properly by doing this." What an abject lie! But I did not dare to shout, scream or move.
I was afraid and felt guilty that I had been molested and I did not dare tell anyone. I was molested continually a few times whilst running errands.
I remember the feeling I had in the lift on the way up after the first incident. I felt scared. I felt dirty. I felt like I had lost my innocence.
I did not tell my parents as I feared my Mum would scold me and blame me for it. I did not tell my aunt coz I felt ashamed. I bore it all silently.
The mama shop uncle went back to india one day and his niece took over manning the shop. I was older then... Primary 5 or 6 and she shared that she had been molested by her uncle too. When I saw this perpertrator one day serving at another mama shop near my piano teacher's place, I remember running away from the shop, heart beating furiously against old wounds.
I kept quiet for a long time and one day realised that my cousin had been similarly molested as well. How many girls and women were molested by this awful man I have no idea. But one thing is for sure, had we been empowered that it is okay to tell people when we've been molested, that it is not our fault and that by speaking up we can save other girls from the same fate, things would have been so much different.
It is important, parents, that we do not make our kids feel ashamed about asking and talking about their sexual curiosities, worries and anxieities before us. We should make it easy for them to confide in us about such things because the world can teach horrible lessons and people outside can teach them the wrong values.
Let us put aside the "shame shame" and let them know it is okay to share share instead. It can make a difference in their lives and in our relationship with them.
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