To keep or not to keep - my sharing #1
- I never thought it would happen to me. I see it a lot on TV but never thought it would affect me.
- After having unmarried and unprotected sex, I started feeling very nervous and anxious because all I wanted to know was that my period was on its way.
- Waiting for the pregnancy test to show its result was the longest one minute ever.
- I felt that it was the end of the world and the first thought I had was - "My parents are going to kill me!" followed by the question "Should I abort?"
When I found out I was pregnant. I was 21. I was pursuing a course in film making that I had fought so hard to take on. I was dating a guy I had barely known for a few months but who was quite funny and good looking. My Mum and I were getting on better than we had ever gotten along. Everything was close to perfect when it hit me one night that I felt something was wrong - my period was late. A friend urged me to do a pregnancy test if I suspected I was preggers.
So I told my now ex-boyfriend about the decision to buy a pregnancy test the next day - September 11th 2001.
That fateful day, I went off to school with butterflies in my tummy. When I was in scriptwriting class, I went pale when my lecturer told us a story about how an actress in his shoot turned up late but was late because the day before she had an abortion. She was at her most broken but delivered the most amazing acting. I was reeling from the "coincidence".
After school, I headed over to the East side to spend some time at my ex-boyfriend's place as usual. I bought a test kit from the pharmacy across from his place. After that I went over to the bubble tea shop next to it. I bought 2 cups of bubble tea and was about to pay when I dropped both cups. 1 cup stayed intact but the other cup burst open and the pearls and the drink flowed up like some ominous sign. I felt like I was being shown 2 paths. It didn't help that people were also burning incense paper, so ashes flew all around me and the sky was overcast.
My ex was playing with his brand new playstation whilst I was doing the test. The 60 seconds felt like an eternity.
When the second line appeared in the window I was not surprised and yet my heart dropped.
I was not surprised because I felt something was different in me and because of all the signs I kept seeing throughout the day leading to this revelation.
I called for my ex who took a while to come to me (I was at the basement) because he had to pause his game.
When I told him I was preggers, he asked me "Are you sure?"
It was the last thing I needed to hear from him then. I nodded my head.
"Then how?" was his next question.
How? I didn't know how either. I was a jumble of emotions.
(TBC)
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